it caught up with me yst.
thought i could delude it,
run away from it.

ha. but i lost the race.
and fell flat on my face.

delirious in sheets.
or rather,
irritated and frustrated that the disgusting thing
kept moving left to right and back in my nose.
thankfully i was prepared with a box of tissue
and a water bottle on my right.

not going back.
moving ahead.

and my days of blogging and gg online are over.
returning the laptop and camera to uncle mohan.
god bless him for being s kind to lend me the laptop
for so so long(:

must really thank him.

ok.
youth camp starts in 7 days.
wow.

more of your grace.

9:51 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

st john's island.
so scenic, and really peaceful and quiet.
save for the mosquitoes.
and some reli yucky insects.





this journey isn't easy to walk, is it?



the road is clear, sometimes.
and yet,
it requires much courage
and perseverance to walk through it.

give me shoes to walk these road.
give me strength to last the journey.
give me your hand,

yes. give me your hand.
i need your presence.

it was never easy,
was it?
walking down calvary's path

and just missing a few things:

Labels: lead me to the cross.

11:51 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

this is the air i breathe
this is the air i breathe
your holy presence
living in me
this is my daily bread
this is my daily bread
your very word
spoken to me

and i,
i'm desperate for you
and i,
i'm lost without you



my soul is weak
my heart is not
i cannot see.
still my hope is found in you
i hold tightly
you will never let me go
Jesus you will never fail.

simply to the cross i cling
letting go of all earthly things
i'm clinging to the cross
mercy's found a way for me
hope is here
i am free
Jesus you are all i need
i'm clinging to the cross

Love has rescued me
your grace has made a way
lead me to the Rock
that is higher than i
lead me
lead me
lead me on


i thank you god.
for granting me the 2 scholarships for nursing(:
please give me the grace, wisdom and discernment to choose the right one.
in Jesus' name, amen.


i know this weekend will be a tough one.

Labels: keep my heart strong

11:29 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

haha.
so funny.
credits to blue floo(:

10:02 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

the roots run deeper.

so much more than i ever thot they did.
and why does it still hurt?

back from china.
am i changed?
i would love to say i am.
but im curently in a state of delusion and unable to think properly.
delirious.

its bittersweet to be back.
feeling like im being thrown back.
but am i ready to go on again?
only God can tell.

somehow, He orchestrates everything so well.
i must give Him all glory and praise for bringing me back safely.
my heart burns and cries for the kids in Sichuan.
it screams out more at me,
"Do something."

and yet im unable to.

but you still hear.
hear the prayers that are offered up by the saints.
thank you God.

i thank god for the time with my mum.
i know we have a better understanding now.
i've never seen her so mad in my entire life.
all the happenings; laughter, laughter with tears.
meeting up with all the students.
God really is awesome.
i met up with my fren whom i haven met for 2 yrs,
met with the uni students and praise god they all received christ!
met with so many others whom i'm sure,
God, you'll bring them to cross-path with me again.
i know my work isn't done there.

hospital?
ill talk about it another time.
there's too much that's going on in my head.


but for now.


i need time to recollect.
what brought me to this point.
am i going to offer a smile,
and hide them under again?

ive put on weight and
am exploding with breakouts.

but you still see past all of me,
and love me.
that,
is something im trying to grasp.

but will i ever be able to?

and waking up often to dreams
that don't make sense.
and at the same time,
they seem to be telling me smth.


God, my God,
what are you trying to tell me?

this time
all i want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time
you burn me with your eyes
you see past all my lies
you take it all away

i've seen enough
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you
just take me away

take me away
i've got nothing left to say
just take me away


take me away
to that place
where all of you is more than enough for me
where i can answer all these doubts in my head
where i can see you face to face
where im made whole, new again
where my tears can fall, and not be looked upon
where my ashes are turned to beauty
where i'll fall in love with you again.

take me away


give me new eyes,
a new heart,
a new spirit.

Labels: take me away

10:17 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

oh my.
im finally here in baojing.
ive really missed the place and the people.
but i dont miss the toilets.
thank god the weather has been rather cold and the smells haven gotten to me yet. im trying my best to not bother about it.

hmm. hospital wasn the one i had hoped to go to.
but this one is pretty much interesting.
apart fm the fact that both ginny n i are having a really bad time trying to figure out what the doctor is saying.
the accent is SO strong.
but woah.
saying that we;re from singapore makes a big difference to the treatment that we received.
im proud to be a singaporean.

anW!!!!
im missing everyone out there back in sg!
so if u are reading this!!!
I MISS YOU.
HAH.
just keep praying that both ginny and i will be protected from the germs and bactria we'll be battling agst tmr and even now in this seat which smells of ammmonia.
grins.
haha and im reli sad my room doesn have a com!!
qin hui yuan has failed my expectations.
but then,
im here for a GREAter purpose.
ooh. pray that i can meet my frens too and all the other ppl im supp to pass the letters to.
i feel lk a postwoman who doesn know her way arn.

missing the kids n ppl in scc.
oh man.
but yay!
ill be back sssoon enough.

will be attached to the hospital tmr from 730-1130 and 230-530.
PLEASE PRAY THAT I CAN WAKE UP.
ginny had a fun time waking me up today.
she was such a nag.
hehe she's sitting beside me and threatening me to do the same.
ok this 5th time in china shall not be any different.
i WILL wake up earlier tmr.
sighs.

ok. time to go.
BYE AND LOVES!!!!!!!!

Labels: IN BAOJING.

5:42 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

In our human nature, we fear. But as children of God, we must remember how the righteous live. They live by faith. So I'm learning to say in my circumstances, "God, this is not what I want. It's not what I planned for my life, but though you slay me I'm choosing to trust you."
God only eliminates the things in my life that don't "look" like Him. If there is a characteristic in my life that needs to be put to death, I can trust God will do it and I'll be better off without it. While my mind may acknowledge this truth, my emotions need God's grace in order to trust Him in the process.

indeed.
you need to take control of my emotions lord.
of my speech.
of my thoughts.

it really is getting harder everyday.

and leaving for china this thursday seems so unreal.
so unexpected.
time really steals up on me.
i cant believe its alr may.
claud, xin and jonk are all 19.
soon it'll be my turn.
and soon we'll all be growing old with white hair.
and lk working n married or smth.

im still holding on.
trusting in you to provide tt one.
char asked, "would you marry him?"
ginny said she would.
-dreams-
the wait makes the heart stronger,
does it?
kok guan spoke bout surrendering our rights.
for what?
so you won;t lose a chance to be transformed by him.
everytime u surrender,
or give up smth,
a part of you dies.
i've learnt it a thousand times.
but i still need to be reminded.
of course, we're humans and we all fall down.

but its your grace that picks me up again.
amazing grace.

tausa said i looked tired or got alot of things on my mind.
for the past few weeks.
i guess so.
just gotta push them aside sometimes.
and hah.
i reli dono what to think nowadays.
but i am amazed lord.
how when i am feeling so lousy,
you can still use me.
when everything on the inside's a mess,
you still use this broken thing for your glory.
abi asked wad was holding me back during prac.
seemed lk there was jus smth keeping me when i sang light of the world.
was even scared of singing. was telling wanxin in the toilet.
mich shared about the anointing oil that was prepared for the levites.
and 1) what do we have to bring to God
2) what can we bring from God to the people.
i only had my broken life and heart to bring to god.
what i could bring from god to the people was wadever talents
he gave me. and the wholeness when he changes and mends the broken pieces.

but it was reli awesome.
my voice never sounded lk tt before.
ting said it sounded different and asked if i went for training!
haha thank god man! seriously!
i had lk phelgm and cough.
thank you jesus.
gdop choir prac did helP!
reli sad i cant be in sg for it.
so proud qiqi and blue floo s gg to tk part.


and ive been eating so much supper and unhealthy food.
aunty sk said i put on weight alr.
sighs.
cell bbq and frisbee swimming was so fun today.
i reli played rough and lk climbed over clement.
clung on to brandon and clement's arm to prevent them from geting the frisbee.
xin n i were prob laugin half the time and drinking swimming pool water.
and i still have water stuck in my ear.
i wish i could be fit and swim 20 laps without a problem
and be tanned and yay.
but im not.
so funny how we gathered in the pool and compared
skin colour.
the darker ppl formed one team.
and they purposely made me got the other team.
haha. but i am darker ok.

ok.
sleep.

Labels: rescue me with your love.

11:44 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

-

all the brothers and sisters

-

of old.

-

credits.

-

wonderful people

-